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You Don't Need Permission

Posted on March 14 2017

Whose permission do you need? Whose approval do you need before you decide to make a choice or change in your life? The answer is simple...yours. You don't need permission to be yourself. You don't need permission to embrace your curly hair, wear hair styles you like, or to do anything you want to do. You are a grown woman (cue Beyonce) who can do whatever she wants whenever she wants and around here that is celebrated.

In a space where so many people are reconnecting with themselves through their hair I hear the conversations and fears of women who secretly desire to wear their naturally curly hair. When asked what's stopping you from wearing their hair curly women confess; 

"My husband/partner doesn't like curly hair."

"My boss will fire me if I wear my hair nappy."

"Afro's are not in style anymore."

"Only feminists let their hair grow wild."

Have you ever said any of these statements? All of these responses focus on the opinions of others and neglects your desires. If nothing else touches your spirit let it be this...No one has the right to tell you how to be yourself. Not your spouse, boss, friend, family member or beauty standards that so many women strive to achieve. You are the only person in control of your life. You are the person who has to live with the consequences of your choices. Your happiness and comfort is more important than the opinions of others.

Feel confident in the choices you make with these simple steps.

Make decisions based on what you love and what makes you feel good.

Listen to the voice inside that guides you to be your true self. So many people die wishing they would've lived their life to the fullest and chased their dreams instead of living the life someone else wanted for them. Don't be that person. Live. Love. Take Risks. Celebrate your losses as much as your wins because you learn and grow with each decision. 

Ignore the negative opinions.

The only opinion that matters is yours, period. You are the only person who has to live with your decisions. No matter what you do someone will have something negative to say so you might as well do what you want anyway and ignore the noise. Worst case scenario your decision results in a outcome you don't want. If that happens still walk with your head high. Having the confidence to be yourself and make a choice that goes against the norm is something to be proud of. Living life by your own rules makes you bold, confident, kick-ass woman.

Teach people how to treat you. 

When people come into your life they commit to loving and accepting all of you. All of you includes the parts they like and those they don't. Teach those closest to you their love must be unconditional and anything less is not optional. To love you is to support your decisions and be there to comfort you if things don't turn out how you want. This is an opportunity for your loved ones to witness your transition from the woman you are into the woman you are becoming. It's an honor for them to see you grow and blossom. Teach them that they don't have to love every choice you make, but they do have to keep loving you. If the person you're concerned about is a boss or supervisor show them how your choice will not affect your performance. Explain how this may benefit them because you are now more comfortable and happier people are better employees. Most importantly let your work speak for itself and make sure they respect you.

If you want to shave all of your hair off, do it. If your spouse or your boss doesn't like it it's okay. They are entitled to their opinion they are not entitled to force their opinion on you or to mistreat you. Your partner isn't with you because of your hair style. Your significant other chose you for more than your looks. Your beauty extends far beyond your hair style. Your boss didn't hire you because your hair fits into their idea of what it should look like. You were hired because of your skills. 

For years people especially women have been told that we are not enough. We have been taught to change ourselves to fit into a mold of what a woman should be. We are shunned for the choices we make and shunned for not making choices. The essence of your beauty and who you are as a woman is not determined by how you look. Live make a choice even if it's the wrong one. Who is to say what is right or wrong for you. Take risks. Express yourself. Wear the hairstyles you love and dress to match how you feel. If you have a wavering feeling and start to doubt yourself, remember the only person you have to make like you is you. 

Applications to be yourself are being held, apply within. 

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